Officially Annoying.

It seems that suddenly there are a lot of things in my life that need to be officially done. We needed to officially get our marriage application notarized. We needed to drive over to Iowa to get officially married. We got our official marriage certificate but now need certified copies of our birth certificates (which I might have to have the application notarized, since I don't have the original one) and to send our official marriage certificate with it to the social security office so they can send us our new official social security cards. But I'm not sure if I should just drive it down there so that I can hand it to them in person. But I would have to take a whole day off to do that. Then we have to take our official social security cards, after waiting two weeks to get them, and take them to the DMV and hope and pray that the official office will agree to give us new official driver's licenses. Why is this so hard? Why can't Social Security team up with the states and automatically send out new cards when the name change is indicated on the marriage certificate?!? After all that, I have to contact a ton more people to get my name changed, like utilities, credit cards, not to mention my employer, because I need a new name plate—and do I change my email or not? I've been using that one a long time... It's all very frustrating, and the more I think about it, the more irritated I get. I don't have time to get a ton of things notarized, and why the heck don't we have a social security office closer than an hour away? It's not like this town is THAT small!! Oh, big whoop, so we have someone here on the second Wednesday of every month from 9:30am-noon. Seriously? Once a month, there's someone here for two and a half hours!? SERIOUSLY?!?

Polarized

Why the ups
and then the downs
why do they feel
so real
and then seem
so wrong

I catch myself letting one event or one person's words bring me down for the rest of the day. I'll be crazy excited about something, and then one little thing can ruin the whole thing for me. I can't decide if I need tougher skin or if those things really should affect me like that.

Confused

On days like today I alternate
between
throwing things
and
biting my nails
and
falling asleep
and
dancing
and
laughing
and
crying
and
foot-kicking
and
hiding from the world
because
on days like today
I have no idea how to put into words
all the things that I feel.

Today

I posted this as my facebook status:

To the ones with fear, to the ones who didn't know, to the ones who saw it coming, to the ones who got away, to the ones who didn't, but most importantly, to the ones who bravely entered the buildings or crashes knowing there was a chance they wouldn't make it out-- you are not forgotten, and you are loved.

I never know exactly what to say about this day. There are so many emotions I feel and I didn't even know anyone in any of the crashes or resulting disasters. I feel pain for those who have lost someone, and pain for the loss of security ...we all have. I feel immense pride in the brave people who worked to free trapped victims, to provide relief, and those who became victims themselves in the process. I feel shame not knowing if I could have done the same.

Mostly, though, I think I feel fear that this day will become just another day that people forget about. I mean, how many people do you know who can, off the top of their heads, tell you which day Pearl Harbor's attack happened? They know what it is, and which war it happened with, but it's not usually the first thing to come to their mind when they hear the date.

Last Chance

So the wife-to-be is going to have her bachelorette party tomorrow. I'm going to miss her. But she's super excited about her mafia party, with her mafia suit and all the party's matching bachelorette shirts.

*I* am excited about MINE! It's a sweet 80s-wedding-themed party. I'm going to be wearing a white wedding dress with a big fat bow on my butt, and this v-shaped crown with a huge poufy veil I made. My friends will all be in 80's bridesmaid dresses and suits. All on the 18th.


This. Will. Be. Epic.

22 days left!!

Self Esteem

The enemy
within
is worse than anything
you've
ever said to me.
The fighting and biting and
acid words
hissed in my ear
sound so
true
as though no other person
in the world
could know better.

Strange

Odd, isn't it
How the world doesn't actually
revolve
around me.

Odd, isn't it
How I have it much better than it
feels
some days.

Odd, isn't it
How the "everything" I knew is really
nothing
at all.